I may be starting this in March but I won’t finish until April …  Yes, I know, my posts are often – alright, usually – a tad on the long side (I would call it value for money, if anyone was paying) but that has not a jot to do with it.  Friday evening, I am sinking under the gloom of the world news with, in truth, not a clue where to begin.  The weather has mirrored my ‘pain’, being particularly revolting for the entire daylight hours.  Burke and Hare weather, I believe one could describe it: that damp misty rain permeating the incessant grey, seeping into every bone.  The hair?  At this stage, who cares?!

I’m starving.  I could eat anything and everything!’ – in strong Fife accent.

Believe me, she had!  Eaten everything, that is – already.   Lost?  These were the lyrical words uttered from the seat directly in front of me, yesterday, on my delightful train journey from Leuchars to Edinburgh.  It started off so well as I selected a non-table seat in a comparatively empty carriage, content that I might make the distance relatively unscathed.  In fact, the older gentleman across from me was dressed in a tweed jacket, scarf and chinos – unusual, granted, but cheering.

So, Cupar proved no problem – still clinging to its market town roots of old – nor Ladybank or Markinch but Kirkcaldy lay in wait!  1.30pm on a Thursday?  Thursday!  Gateway to the weekend.  P-a-r-t-y!  On they got and a lovely, local couple chose the seats right in front of me.  Bearing in mind, the duration of their journey was less than thirty minutes, Kirkcaldy to Waverley, they were struggling with their bags – of food – en route to the big city for the night.  My heart sank as the cans popped, together with the family bag of crisps, but as her diminutive partner gazed with reverence at her brave attempt to stave off starvation on the half-hour journey, I realised that mastication largely prohibited communication – a blessing, I can assure you.  It could have been worse … and it was!  Returning on the 4.30pm Aberdeen train, it was packed.  I even had to sit next to somebody – chosen carefully, of course – but still oblivious as to who/what lay beyond.  Turns out it was Elvis’ greatest fan, in his inebriated state, convinced that he was one of the Jordanaires!  Perfect.   Scotrail.  Hell on wheels.  Well, slight exaggeration but couldn’t resist a play on a song title…

Which brings me neatly on to Tarzan’s lair and our new First Minister.  Why?  Well, once again, Scottish and, sadly, diabolical!

We need independence now more than ever before because we have more food banks in this country at any other time than ever before because of over a decade of austerity.  So, I would say to Douglas Ross, to the UK Government, we will continue to advocate and to advance independence because we need it now more than ever before.’

Verbatim.  Nobody would write that!  These are the words of our, clearly, intelligent – and most eloquent – new First Minister during his inaugural Question Time as he made a pathetic attempt to defend the appointment of a Minister for Independence.  Of course! What need for a Minister of Tourism in Scotland when one can continue smacking one’s head against a brick wall using taxpayer’s money to do so?  James Hepburn, his ally, is now to receive an annual salary of £31,383 – on top of an MSP’s quota of £66,662 – all while Humza ‘Useless’ (courtesy of Dan Wootton) strokes his ego and does nothing to prevent Scotland sinking further into the mire.  God forbid he could actually do his job – or listen to the people for whom he ‘works’.  A-ha, but there’s the rub!  For Humza ‘Useless’ is nothing but a puppet.  52% of the vote to Kate Forbes’ 48%, whom he, immediately, dispensed with on securing the ‘leadership’ – read, bringing the party together!  The thing is, Humza, only claimed the winning 4% because party members were being ‘persuaded’ to vote for him by those of some influence; those who had suddenly resigned ‘for the good of the party’ – John Swinney, Peter Murrell and scheming Sturgeon, herself.  What a co-incidence that they all chose to resign at the same time.  Couldn’t have anything to do with the intensifying police investigation into the missing £600,000?

Two years ago, in April 2021, three members of the SNP’s Finance and Audit Committee resigned amid reports that Sturgeon and Murrell refused to let them see the accounts.  The following month, Douglas Chapman, the party treasurer, too, stood down citing frustration at not being able to carry out his duties.  Fast forward to February 2023 and the ‘White Stiletto’s saccharine – and sudden – resignation speech, reportedly days after Chapman was spoken to, as a witness, by Police Scotland.  Classic.  Leave before the rains fall – or the truth puts you where you belong.

The arrogance remains; that hideous smirk.  As she follows the script, professing to her desire for a normal life – to be able to ‘meet a pal for coffee’– the bumbling half-wit that is Humza ‘Useless’ is hastening the death knell of the SNP while she continues to pull his strings.  Blinded by his ego, ‘scheming Sturgeon’s apprentice'(once, more, thank you, Dan) is the perfect decoy as he strives to adhere to her instruction.  Her life’s mission being to avenge her nemesis in the grave, Baroness Thatcher, she will self-combust rather than give up on her dream of independence.  The question is, how stupid does she think we are?  As we await the damning revelations which are, surely, imminent, not as stupid as Humza Yousaf.  Meanwhile, as the triumvirate attempts to hide, stepping back from the frontline in a bid to minimise a public flaying, the new First Minister may have overspent on his extensive wardrobe.

Corruption abounds, which brings me to Donald Trump.  More specifically, the bare-faced pursuit of Donald Trump!  Indicted, on Friday, by a Manhattan grand jury, no President or ex-President in history has ever been thus formally charged.  Make no mistake, however, this is the culmination of a ruthless witch hunt, the aim of which is transparent: to derail Trump’s bid for re-election in 2024.  The Democrats are running scared in the wake of the growing support for the former President and, thus, they will stop at nothing; have stopped at nothing.  The indictment rests on Trump’s alleged payment of $130,000 to Stormy Daniels in exchange for her silence in the run up to the 2016 US elections.  Not, in itself, illegal, bar the fact that said sum was recorded as a legal expense – which is against the law in New York.  Gotcha!  Perfect, as the grand jury of Manhattan – made up, entirely, of Democrats – revels in the coup.

My thoughts?  Disgust at the lack of parity; the injustice; at human nature!  This coming Tuesday, Trump must attend court, apparently facing some 30 counts of document fraud.  Document fraud!  Pales into insignificance in the wake of former President Clinton who was impeached, leading to a trial in 1999 on two charges: perjury and the obstruction of justice.  Perjury!  He lied under oath during his presidency.  Trump is accused of paying hush money to Stormy Daniels before he was elected …  No contest.  How the hell Clinton got away with any of it, I have no idea.  Monica Lewinsky was the tip of the iceberg.  His treatment of women?  Put it this way, he used his considerable ‘influence’.  Somehow, though, this revolting man still commands respect today, his crimes seemingly forgotten.  A Democrat of the highest order!

Significantly, one of the charges faced by former President Trump is that of removing and concealing classified government documents on his departure from office in January 2021.  To that end, the FBI raided his Mar-a-Lago home in August 2022.  Trump was not in residence at the time.  Handy that as incriminating news footage emerged of remnants of documents, supposedly floating in one of the loos!  Seriously?  The guy may be many things but stupid isn’t one of them. Not a chance that these could have been planted, though …  Meanwhile, we have President Biden – nobody can convince me that he hasn’t, actually, been exhumed – with classified government documents popping up all over the place in his multiple homes.  Well, why commute to the office if one doesn’t have to?!  No FBI raids for Biden, though, for he is a Democrat, after all, with no shady connections.  Oh, and he has a lovely son called Hunter who enjoys his computer and has done good work in Ukraine!  World peace.  One couldn’t write it.

Back to Donald Trump and his list of charges …  The Capitol riots of 6th January, 2021 when a mob of ‘his supporters’ stormed the United States Capitol building in Washington D.C.  Said riots descending into violence, Trump is accused of inciting the crowd.  Maybe so but, aside from the fact that he cannot be held responsible for the actions of others, what credence was ever afforded to the claim that the violence was attributed to a rent-a-mob planted by the Democrats?  Exactly.

The unequivocal cesspit of lies and corruption that is American politics.  China, Russia and the US.  Trust no-one.  Trump was a threat to China, at once, unafraid and intent on curbing its control.  Interesting, then, the concerted effort to shackle him.  Could the Democrats be in cahoots with the Chinese, in turn, allies of Russia?  See what I mean?  The extent of the darkness is inconceivable; the depravity of man without bounds.

Azeem Rafiq.  Wish I had time to mention that vile little man.  He, who saw fit to accuse his team- mates and colleagues at Yorkshire County Cricket Club of racial harassment and bullying, using the colour of his skin to enhance a waning career, accepting a six-figure sum in compensation while threatening the very body of English cricket.  (Seriously?!, 19th November 2021).  Disliked at his former club, he thought nothing of jeopardising the careers of those such as Michael Vaughan, who has finally been cleared of any racism.   Sickeningly, all the while, Rafiq, himself, was guilty of anti-semitic language on Facebook in 2011 plus calling a fellow-player of Zimbabwean heritage, ‘Zimbo’.  Paki/Zimbo?!  Pathetic, it may sound, but that was the level of the majority of his forty or more accusations – only seven of which were upheld.  In the end, the whistleblower was anything but squeaky clean …  Wonder if any of the team-mates he was so ready to accuse of racism has ever propositioned an under-age girl, alone on a flight, sending her crude, extremely inappropriate texts?  People in glass houses, Rafiq …  Who’s sorry now?

Once you get rid of integrity, the rest is a piece of cake!’ 

Larry Hagman

This is Trish, signing off – I promise!