Month number two in 2022.  Help!  Soon be July and time for the build-up to Christmas …  Sounds like an old Barry Cryer line but sadly, in this insane world, it’s true.

Anyway, as I sit here watching the fence hanging on for grim life, through the window, the wind is ever constant.  On the plus side, walking on the beach early this morning, the resulting sandstorm did ensure a depletion of annoying beings – although, the one who persevered had to be accompanied by the inevitable toy dog with the incessant yap!  There’s always one.  Well, no, there are usually several but, let’s face it, one is sufficient to sabotage Nature’s calming elixir as the high-pitched demand goes unreprimanded, the human, thoughtlessly unaware; or, more likely, just couldn’t care!  Whatever, toy dogs are born to yap and, untrained, that’s what they’ll do.  Every heard a St Bernard yap?  A New Foundland or a Clumber?  Never.  Meanwhile, the miniscule ‘accessories’ can be likened to spoilt children, demanding of attention, whose parents never bothered to discipline them.  Loved it!  My walk on the beach, that is …

I was going to say that this is going to be rather an eclectic mix of topics today – although, perhaps, with a common thread – as I pick up my ‘list’ from whence I left off on Friday.  The common thread?  Resigned acceptance.  Take, for one, the damning findings of the IOPC (Independent Office for Police Conduct) following an investigation into the Metropolitan Police – instigated in March 2018 – when an officer had sex with a vulnerable woman in a room inside a London Police station!  The subsequent report has uncovered a cesspit of bullying, sexism, racism, homophobia and harassment, detailing texts and WhatsApp messages which can only be regarded as sick to the very core.  Disgraceful’ Met Police must be overhauled, damning IOPC report finds.  In tonight’s Evening Standard, it makes for horrific reading.  Sadly, I am not surprised in the least.  Experience has ensured I have no faith in the long arm of the law.

That said, the irony then lies in the fact that Sue Gray’s once eagerly anticipated report into the most well-oiled party venue in town – formerly known as No 10 – was subject to instruction to make ‘minimal reference’ to said parties.  Instruction from whom?  The morally deficient Met Police, of course, who are conducting their own investigation.  One couldn’t write it!  To recap, the Met Police, proven to harbour a culture not worthy of a sewer rat, has been charged with the responsibility of investigating the plethora of ‘unlawful’ parties at No 10 and, subsequently, has the audacity to handcuff Sue Gray with regard to her findings.  Tell me, what is the point?  Put Boris Johnson and the Met Police in bed together and what does one get?  A 12-page report from Sue Gray, one of which denotes the title, two of which are blank and another consigned to the appendices.  Correction, that’ll be an 8-page report, then!  Can we just pretend ‘corruption’ has eight letters?

Meantime, a little irritation.  As Russia sits poised to invade Ukraine – with NATO on alert – it seems no thought is being given to what Boris is dealing with here, in the UK.  Has he time to speak to Putin in a scheduled call?  Don’t be ridiculous!  He’s too busy denying cake and bubbly constitutes a birthday party.  Priorities.  Priorities.  Anyone remember back before 2016 and that awful word Brexit?  Take it away, Cher … literally!

Let’s spare a thought for Liz Truss, our hard-working Foreign Secretary who has tested positive for COVID.  I mean, hot on the heels of the widespread criticism she has received, this week, for her recent flight to Australia on the private Government plane – at a cost to the taxpayer of a mere £500,000 – she has had a lot to deal with.  Now, she has been forced to isolate for however many days … Not sure how many, really, but, then, I’m sure she’ll decide nearer the time.  Get well soon, Liz!  Meantime, all the more bubbly for Boris – in your enforced absence – en route to Ukraine.  I know, it’s crying out for an exclamation mark but I’m trying to restrict my use …

Moving on from utopia, what about the pressure being heaped on Spotify by those who fear The Joe Rogan Experience?  An unbiased podcast providing a much-needed – and increasingly rare – platform for uncensored information and opinion, it attracts an audience of 11million weekly.  Wonder why?  I, myself, spent three hours, recently, listening to the wisdom of Dr Robert Malone on said podcast.  Truly refreshing, he was superb.  On the payroll of Big Pharma?  Nope.  A threat to Big Pharma & co?  Yup!  So …  Neil Young takes umbrage and, courtesy of an enormous ego, issues Spotify with an ultimatum: my music or The Joe Rogan Experience?  The Joe Rogan Experience.  Enter, Joni Mitchell – friend of Neil Young – stage right: my music or The Joe Rogan Experience?  The Joe Rogan Experience BUT with the concession of additional caveats in the form of content advisory notifications attached to podcasts which discuss COVID.  Well, allow them that.

Next, what do you know, in come the Duke & Duchess of Desperation, Harry and Meghan …  Of course, adding their significant weight (?) to the ‘misinformation’ battle, they can only afford to dip their toes for, lest one forgets, they are the embodiment of paper socialists; the ultimate hypocrites!  Committed to the protection of the environment, they fly on private jets.  Dedicated advocates of human rights, they still see fit to live in an £11m mansion with 16 bathrooms.  Seems the conscience does not trouble.  However, as far as the Spotify ‘misinformation’ debate goes, Meghan and her mouthpiece’s hands are tied … to the money!   Not a chance in hell of them jeopardising their multi-million-pound deal with the media giant, they can only risk lip service.  Sincerity.  That’s what counts.

Gosh, less than a thousand words.  It’s a positive précis!  Just one final thought … How to cull the remaining population after COVID?  Amend the Highway Code – on the quiet – giving priority to pedestrians, firstly, and then cyclists.  The first sign of madness but bear with for the pièce de résistance: at the same time, introduce the rollout of driverless cars.  Perfect!  In the event of the inevitable carnage, no liability can be apportioned.  Hang on a minute, does any part of that sound familiar?

Welcome to Hell.  Here’s your accordion.’

Gary Larson, The Complete Far Side, 1980-1994.

Happened across that gem on my search for a quote on satire.

This is Trish, signing off.

Oh, postcript alert!  I forgot to mention Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau.  It seems, like Liz Truss, he, too, has tested positive for COVID.  It would be wrong to suggest that it was timely in view of the thousands of truckers who have descended on Ottawa in protest against vaccine mandates.  ‘We are not intimidated’, he claims from an unknown location to which he has been evacuated …