It must have been about 3am, this morning, when it came to me – this is like driving through thick fog; no end in sight just nothingConstant nothing!  Bland nothing!  Everyday, nothing!  Funny, the lyrics to the Eagles, ‘Desperado‘ came to mind – just be thankful it wasn’t ‘Tequila Sunrise’!

Don’t your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine
It’s hard to tell the night-time from the day
You’re losin’ all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how the feeling goes away?’

See what I mean?  So appropriate.  There are no ‘highs’ anymore!   There’s no ‘Peaceful Easy Feeling’.  ‘Life in the Fast Lane’ has ‘Already Gone’ and now it’s a case of ‘Take it to the Limit’.  Forget too ‘Busy Being Fabulous’, we have reached ‘The Last Resort’ and checked into ‘Hotel California’ where ‘We are all just prisoners … of our own device.’  Wow!  Surprised myself, there. Talking of ‘Hotel California’, though, check out these lyrics:

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before.
“Relax”, said the night man
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave!”

No wonder I can’t sleep!  Well, that and my scary ‘Big Brother’s watching you’ messages from Google!!  Honestly.  It all started when this box popped up on my laptop – Itunes demanding I sign in.  There was a ‘Cancel‘ button, which I, obviously, pressed but it just kept popping right back up!  So annoying because it is right in the middle of my screen …  Anyway, nothing for it but to log in and try and pull out some password from somewhere.  Incorrect password’, several times over.  So, I admitted I had forgotten it and went down that route, for which it was required that I key in my ‘Username’ and ‘Password’ required to unlock my laptop.  Done.  Password changed – will never remember that – and all set to get rid of THAT box.  Except, I wasn’t!  ‘Incorrect password’!

Has anyone ever seen that film, ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ (2000)?  Ashton Kutcher is in it … yes, and Manny loved it, too – and Becca!  Well, there is a scene in which they go to the Drive-through to order Chinese and, speaking into the microphone, the voice keeps coming back with, “And then?’”  It doesn’t matter what they say, or how many times they repeat, “that’s it!”, the voice is not giving up!  Eventually, one of them thumps the microphone thing and all you hear is “And then?  And then, and then, and then …?!”  Come to think of it, I hope that is right?  It may, actually, be that they just give up and drive off and the microphone self-combusts.  Either way, it is one of the best scenes in cinematic history which Becca, Manny and I (no, can’t write ‘me’!), to this day, continue to replicate.

My point?  Well, no matter what I did, THAT Itunes box was going nowhere!  I surrendered and shut down – well, of course, it wouldn’t because I hadn’t ‘Quit Itunes’.  Still with me?  I went to bed.  4am, it dawned on me that perhaps it was a scam and I had keyed in both my ‘Username’ and ‘Password’?  How stupid was I?  Now, that person trying to hack into my laptop in Croydon would have stripped me of my worldly goods!  Well, the sinking fund for my yurt …

Leaping out of bed – positively – I set about changing my Apple ID Password.  How is any living, breathing, person of sound mind expected to remember all these passwords?  Moreover, which one is for what?!  You have no idea what I came up with at 4am …

In the morning, I discovered that I had successfully disabled Find My Phone – whatever that may be?  The word ‘disabled’ was sufficiently alarming.  Meanwhile, I decided to try and dispel the idea of a hacker by asking Google why THAT box wouldn’t go away.  A general question which, along with several others, appeared with a drop-down arrow …  Are you ready for the answer?

You are seeing this message because some of the content that is on your iPhone was originally downloaded using your ex-husband’s Apple ID, and it requires authentication for the Apple ID to download it again.’ 

You have, now, entered the Twilight Zone …  RUN!

I wonder if there is such a thing as Amazon Prime in the Twilight Zone because, apparently, I have joined, verification being the £7.99 debit which has appeared on my account.  No recollection, whatsoever!  Pop, where are you when I need you?!

Neil Diamond was 80 yesterday.  My friend, Caroline, has just sent me a photo of this Joint Formula called ‘Collagen Plus’.  Time to fight this!

Well, what do you know?  I have ‘written’ 818 words without one, actual, mention of the ‘C’ word – 828 words, now.  Becca has delivered my large Gin and things are looking up?  I am modelling five layers and am no longer solidifying with the cold; my hair is clean, I have some make-up on and I have been for a walk on the West Sands to discuss ghost writing a friend’s book.  Tick!  We fight on …

Let me end with something which will make you smile – well, it did, me!  My dear, old friend, Caroline – she of the ‘Collagen Plus’ – sent me a video, yesterday, on WhatsApp.  It is a shot of a TV screen – some female in lycra exercising – and, in the foreground, a corkscrew opener with the ‘arms’ moving in time to the girl’s legs.  What, in God’s name, made her think of me?!  Well, goes without saying, it made me laugh so I forwarded it to Becca and Manny, among others.  Would you believe, Manny thought it was me?!!  My own son?  I told him he should know better than to think I would be watching something like that …

I know, I know.  Great place to end with everyone laughing but I am determined to include the saying which, for Prince Harry, sums up 2020 …

You’re still on mute!’


This is Trish, signing off.