Help!  Tell me this is like childbirth and the protective nature of the human mind will erase this torture from my memory over time?  Moving house after 26 years, I was confident I was organised: storage to delay decision-making and the discarding of unnecessary memorabilia I am unlikely to look at again until offloaded to a home – tick; gaining possession of keys to new home two weeks ago, taking van-load through and then making several follow-up trips to arrange paintings and photographs capable of enhancing several galleries and veritable library of books – tick; and cancelling/transferring of utilities whilst losing the will to live!  I had organised the removal guy several weeks ago – known to me since Becca’s uni days – but, to be on the safe side, requested they come on Wednesday to assess and do some packing … and that’s when it all went pear-shaped.  What were the chances?

You know, the train of events is becoming a blur but I know that there was a skip involved.  Did I need the large one, the nice guy enquired, and I dismissed the idea.  Big mistake!  Filled in no time with the proverbial neglected barbecue and the never-used cross-trainer, it became too much fun.  Who needs a bin when one can get so much more enjoyment from hurling everything into a skip from a great distance?  Job done.  It was to be collected on Wednesday morning with the offer of delivering a replacement.  Not at all.  No need … except there was!

The guys arrived on Wednesday morning to do some packing and survey the scene and, from that moment on, I felt like a naughty schoolgirl who had failed to complete her homework.  David was aghast at how much there was still to do and my justification and pleas for sympathy were tossed aside!  Two days later, I now know that David’s cup is always half empty.  Thankfully, his sidekick, Steve’s cup is always half full!  There is a God.  Digressing, I must add that, to make matters one hundred percent worse, I had hardly slept the night before and had consumed more wine than recommended on the bottle.  Needing to borrow a hoover – I told you how much I loved throwing things into the skip and that was one of them – my friend, Jet, appeared with hers and a bottle of wine.  For some reason, she chose to drink wine rather than hoover and so I regaled her with my latest legal wranglings and, obviously, that took time!

I paid the price the next morning when, feeling like hell, David and Steve arrived at 9 and panic set in.  No skip, phone ringing constantly and emails pouring in from my lawyers – add conveyancing to divorce – and it took all my strength to maintain my dignity and composure!  Just another day in paradise.  Thankfully, my friend, Emily, appeared and together we familiarised ourselves – yet further – with the storage unit and my favourite charity shop.  I’m surprised they haven’t given me a key to the side door!  Suffice to say, my stressful day continued in the loft, successfully avoiding cobwebs but not the killer nails, before the new owners’ builder arrived to survey the aftermath of Monday’s torrential rain.  If Noah had still been with us, he’d have been loading the animals 2 by 2 quicksmart!  Luckily, I was in residence at the time of the ceiling ‘opening’ with plenty of tubs to hand and the damage was minimal.  However, one can’t help but ask why now?

I’m actually beginning to question whether David’s ‘cup half empty’ attitude has rubbed off on me?  As one who always looks on the bright side …. That was merely the precursor to The Move.  To be continued in the next day or so, promise, when I cannot wait to open with ‘Still tired after the move … !’  I shall sign off, meantime, with a quote from me to Becca during one of the most traumatic days of our lives.  The only thing that made us laugh!

‘At least my blusher is holding up!’

This is Trish signing off – without checking!