‘Twice times then is still now.’ Alexandra Fuller, ‘Fi’.
Only six words but the heartache, the longing and, worse, the sad, sad resignation they carry cuts like a knife. For me, one of the most powerful quotes written – Alexandra Fuller is a master. It is taken from her memoir about the sudden death of her son, Fi, her words screaming the anguish and pain of a mother, inconsolable with grief, who has lost all purpose, all belief, and who is fighting for a reason to stay. Her genius cannot be surpassed. In stripping her own heart bare, she renders yours defenceless. She speaks to my very soul, many of the parallels in our lives uncanny. Fate had me take her book from the shelf that day in May 2015. One of her divorce, I could have written the script … I wrote and told her as much. She wrote back from her yurt in Wyoming where she lives the life of my dreams; only thing is, I lack her courage. I have each and every book she has ever written, though, and, one day, I hope we can meet. Intelligent, humorous, perceptive, sensitive and achingly honest, she is, also, incredibly damaged: ‘I will write my way out of this’. To write is to heal. The power of words; her words. They fill my books of quotes. She speaks my tongue. She speaks for me
.’Twice times then is still now.’
The longing to go back; to escape the ‘now’ … I lost a very special reader last Saturday (26th July). Pauline was the much-loved partner of my childhood friend, John; someone to whom life had been very cruel – until he found her; his soulmate. I only met Pauline twice but I liked her instantly. Gentle, open and kind, she had no side. How many are deserving of those words? How many are just good? How many touch your life, seemingly unnoticed, and, yet, forever? Pauline did. She read my blog religiously. John says she would laugh or comment, ‘she’s on a real rant, this week’ as she relayed my latest bugbear. I knew she read it. I liked that! A bond of sorts. No more … She was happy, at last, with John. She loved their forever house as they planned, excitedly, for their retirement. Now, within weeks of diagnosis, she is gone. Yet another of the good guys. How does one make sense of that? There is none. Just another reminder that life is fragile; that time is precious; that ‘Nothing is forever except forever‘. (Alexandra Fuller). See what I mean …
I started this a week ago. I lost my favourite sunglasses on my beach yesterday evening. Today, Becca’s friend is flying over from Rome for, basically, a day and two nights … and there she is, Storm Floris! Welcome to Scotland, Ilaria! It’s the 4th August, for goodness’ sake. Nature is angry or is she merely mocking, reminding a world of greed that, in the end, it is all futile? Forever chasing a number on a screen, it means nothing. We are mere minions; the butts of our own joke. This beautiful planet we were ‘given’ thousands and thousands of years ago? Well, greed came first, followed by arrogance and look where we’ve ended up! Paradise is long gone and, if ‘the superior race’ isn’t wiping out its own in senseless wars, Big Pharma has got it covered. Ever wondered whether evil exists?!
Whatever happened to Trish-Trash? Once upon a time, she was consistent, reliable, writing every week, always fired up about something or other, convinced she could make a difference. Somehow, I don’t feel that anymore. The clouds are blocking the sun. No longer transient, instead they are rapidly increasing, casting shadows far-reaching. Post-covid, it’s as though all fight has gone; as though we are broken. This country certainly is. Keir Starmer and his henchmen have ensured the battle is all but insurmountable. Most would rather comply, continuing to live in their bubble, devoid from reality. Covid did that. Isolate and divide. Follow rather than lead. Isolate … That lone voice has lost its spark, let alone its fire. Shouting into the abyss, is there anyone listening? Does anyone care? A big fan of Patrick Christys, I used to watch him every night but it became all-consuming. His hands-on, honest reporting – and bravery – amongst the Calais migrant camps has exposed the government, once and for all, for its blatant lies and corruption – and the terrifying thing is, we are stuck with them! As these ‘feral’ men – for it is men only, having left the women and children behind in their ‘war-torn’ countries – undeterred, pile into the UK, daily, lured by luxury hotels and ludicrous benefits, Muhammad is our most popular boys’ name for the second year running. Multiculturalism in all its glory! A full-scale whitewashing of everything British: our history, culture, our very foundations. All engineered. Yes, hard to get one’s head round that – a strategy so insidious and so underhand – but there most definitely is a jigsaw and the pieces are falling into place.
‘The prime minister is seriously considering introducing a universal ID system as a way of tackling illegal immigration and improving the delivery of public services.’
Rachel Sylvester, Political Editor, The Observer (3/8/25)
.Bingo! Labour has been pushing for ID cards – reminiscent of wartime identity documents abandoned in 1952 – since Home Secretary, at the time, David Blunkett, outlined his plans back in 2002. Promoted on the back of 9/11 as being essential in the fight against terrorism, these involuntary QR codes were hailed, too, as a means of curbing illegal employment, benefit fraud and the abuse of public services, among other things. No infringement on civil liberty at all! Under the pseudonym of an ‘Entitlement Card’, thankfully opposition was stiff and it had to be shelved – temporarily. Finally, rolled out in 2008 by Blunkett’s successor, Alan Johnson, it was short-lived, binned in 2010 by the Cameron/Clegg coalition. Sigh of relief? Momentarily, perhaps, but it never went away. The Tony Blair Institute … Be aware of the man who pulls the puppet strings. Similarly, Clinton, the heinous Democrat puppeteer across the ‘The Pond’.
In conclusion? This country is stuffed! Having ‘imported’ thousands of illegal immigrants – young males, only – and granted their every wish, Starmer’s future vote is secure. Clearly, of communist leanings, his nemesis – the Far-Right – appear quashed but, as Jacob Rees-Mogg pointed out tonight, this digital ID card is tantamount to a declaration of ineptitude. Aside from the glaring infringement of civil liberties, its primary purpose is to combat illegal immigration … or is it?! My question is, how dumb do they think we are? The whole scenario is engineered; I repeat, totally engineered. Welcome to China! Or, I should say, to the island across The English Channel from France which, once upon a time, was Great Britain. No more. To think our veterans fought for our freedom … As the last of those heroes shuffle off this mortal coil, we can only thank them, profusely, for their bravery and sacrifice – whilst hanging our heads in shame. We, each, have one voice. In their memory, use it!
Pauline, Trish-Trash is on one of her rants again! I know you are in a better place – and, boy, you’re in a lot of good company – but you are sorely missed down here. Thank you for always reading my words; meant a lot. This one is for you … xxx
‘Twice times then is still now.’
Second star to the right and straight on ’til morning …
This is Trish, signing off.
